Death of the Bunny

Surprise! I walked out my front door this morning to help Steve put some things in his car he needed for work, and there was our cat Sadie. Eyes gleaming, sleek black coat shining in the morning light, an 8 week old bunny dangling from her mouth and still very much alive. Well, we managed to get her to drop it and the bunny took off followed in hot pursuit by the cat. Steve didn't think she'd catch it again, until we heard the tell-tale "squeak" from down the slope, followed by silence. I thought "sigh, another one bites the dust" and finished loading the car and pondering the fate of a baby bunny, only to go back to the doorstep and find Sadie there with her prize trying to figure out why the cat flap wouldn't work (I'd previously locked it upon seeing the bunny and knowing Sadie's love of bringing home bunnies and butchering them under the kids bed). So, somewhere out there right now is a baby bunny meeting it's maker. A sad reality of nature. My cats are good hunters. It was just a sad little ending to a stressful few days.

Like the bunny, sometimes you just have to let nature take it's course. There was no way to save the bunny. It was too badly injured the second time to do much but hop slowly for cover. Better to let it be, in my opinion. Like our family. There are so many different things going on it's hard to keep track. We're trying to juggle a divorce, a wedding (ours), the wedding of my parents, the break-up of our son and daughter-in-laws marriage, an ex-husband causing a few problems financially, a nagging ex-wife, our grand children, our own children, starting a new business, bankruptcy, moving, de-junking Ahhhhh! The list goes on!

It's hard for us to also have the responsibility to play both sides of the fence, as it were. While we love and support our son, we also have the moral and ethical obligation to continue to love and support our daughter in law. Now I want to make it absolutely clear, people have been hurt. A great deal. On many different sides of the problem. But we still love and care about all those involved. A marriage break-up never just affects the immediate people involved. Whole families and friends are drawn in unavoidably. And as much as people may feel the need to take sides, I cannot personally do that 100%. I was hurt that so many people took my husbands side because they heard how awful of a wife I was from him and never listened to my side of the story. Now I know I could have done better, but I was not entirely to blame. So because of this I can see a little of both sides of the story with J&N. We as their parents are hurting for them because we've been through it and know what it feels like. But at some point you have to just accept that they can make their own decisions, and no matter how much you disagree with them, or want them to behave differently, they have their free agency and all we can do is continue to love them. They've both been there for us, and we'll be there for them. Whether it's babysitting, or a box of groceries, or a friend to talk to, or just someone who you can spill your guts to and you know they'll never tell.

So really it's all about unconditional love. I challenge you to think about that too. If someone hurts us or disappoints us, do we stop loving them? Avoid them. Never speak to them again? And if we do, was it really love in the first place? We all love our children, even if we don't like what they're doing at the moment. Our Heavenly Father is like that too. He loves us absolutely unconditionally. Maybe that's something we as a society need to work on more. Spend less time and effort worrying about how it affected "US" and work harder at loving "THEM". It's a huge amount of work, and you have to change your thinking. And I'm certainly not suggesting we let people hurt us over and over and over again. But if we can at some point move past the grief and hurt to acceptance and forgiveness, it makes our lives better. We don't carry that burden with us always. Forgiveness frees us from a terrible and festering bondage. Take it from one who knows. It can be a life long process, or not. The point is to get there at some point.

Here are a couple of examples. The Amish managed to forgive and actually reach out and care for local families even in the terrible grief they had when a man shot and killed several young women in a one room school house in the middle of Pennsylvania. Here are some hard working people who had their very lifestyle of peace and tranquility shattered. But they didn't act with hatred or blame. They reached out in shared grief to the family of the the shooter. In my own life, and please understand that I have shared this before and am okay with it now, but do not dwell on it... I was molested as a teenager by the father of a friend. It took me several years to acknowledge it and be able to work on my trust issues. I have my issues still, like I'm always worried that Steve won't think I'm good enough and leave and I'm working on my fear of rejection and trust issues. But as far as blame goes, I'm not angry or bitter. A little sad and regretful sure, but I'm able to move on. And I've found that life can be full of regrets and "what if's" but surrounding ourselves and focusing on the negative just draws more of the same to us. If we can concentrate and accentuate the positive then we feel better and draw more of the same to us. What we feel and portray to others is reflected back to us. ie, how many people do you know who are rude or brusque with Don Caitling? Answer = none. Why? He always has a cheerful word, a friendly handshake, a sincere smile for everyone. And it's hard to be around him and not feel better. Yep, Ned Flanders he is!

Life is complicated and beautiful. We're all here to support each other as we learn through life lessons, some of which are not very nice. That's all we can do. I can appreciate the small things Steve does to show me he loves me, like vacuum the dining room. I can take joy in the simple fact that there are 3 beautiful girls running around the house playing hide and seek, and now siting at the organ making beautiful music and rearranging all of Papa's buttons. There are chocolate chip oatmeal muffins in the oven. I have to see Sis Edwards today, clean the house, babysit Madylin and Jack, prepare Family Home Evening lesson and snacks, and the day is half over. So I'm going to put on my happy face and instead of moaning I'm just going to get back to work.

Today I'm grateful for everyday miracles and I'm grateful for second chances.