Love Is...

In the 80's in England (maybe here??) there was a popular cartoon strip and it's characters and ideas were made in to all sorts of things. I remember my next door neighbour Liz loved them. There was a man and a woman, always the same two, and the phrase began "Love Is..." I have a soap dish that says "Love Is...Helping her out of the tub when she's expecting" There were all sorts of sentiments.

Well, for me love is a clean kitchen. Cleaner at least. How many husbands come home with flowers or candy for a gift only to find a frazzled, overwhelmed wife who has had a house of screaming kids all day that were like Tasmanian devils, only to hand over the gift, kiss her on the cheek and ask what is for dinner? Not in my house. Apart from the fact I rarely get flowers (hint), I had the perfect husband for one evening. While I was grieving the loss of our cat, juggling dinner and 6 small children, doing dishes and laundry, he quietly came in to the kitchen and with few words he started cleaning, and doing a great job. Sure he complained about the usual stuff like how it got such a mess in the first place, but he cleaned none the less and I'm grateful. To me the best thing would be to skip the flowers and come home early, look at and assess your wife, and then without judgment to roll up your sleeves and say "what can I do to help?"

We've enjoyed the company of our 2 granddaughters for the past couple of days. They are amazing little girls and so different from our own children. Having a 2 year old in the house was a good reminder of how much work they are and how much I do not miss diapers. But having someone love and trust you absolutely is wonderful. When they fall asleep in your arms and lie there looking like angels, who wouldn't feel their heart melt? They had a good time with our kids for the most part with the occasional spat between Meghan and Annie. And They are of course sad about Hobbes.

Meghan wanted to know what happiness looked like, and it took me a minute to cotton onto the idea that I told her yesterday that it's only Hobbes' body here. I said the part of him that's his spirit is gone already. She didn't really understand so I told her it was the part of us that talks in our heads and the part that feels love and happiness. So what does happiness look like? A big orange cat with a new perfect body bouncing around waiting for us to get home I expect.

I'm still fighting with the gov't about my child tax benefits. Actually spoke to a supervisor in Nfld this morning. Looks like I have 3 options. 1, get Brian to send in the paperwork from March. 2, file an official complaint and it all else fails, 3, go to Tax court and appeal to a judge.

Well, I'm getting the "over time" light and reminders of how i have to get up early to clean and make fudge for 40 people tomorrow so I should wrap it up. Got papers today though for Steve who is finally going to get his day in court with Elaine, in 6 weeks. So that's great news.

'night!

Farewell To Our Beloved Hobbes

This evening our cat died. He was playing with the kids, went to have a nap on the warm paving stones of the driveway, and passed away. His name was Hobbes and we loved him. He was born December 23rd, 1995 to Thomas and Gemini, one of 4 boys and 2 girls. He was a cream tabby with green eyes and long fur. He was born the night before I got pregnant with my first son, so I always knew how old he was by looking at Chris and adding 9 months. Every Dec 23rd we'd celebrate his birthday. The kids called it Christmas Eve Eve. This is our children's first experience of losing someone they loved and I'm setting a bad example as I cannot stop crying. I've explained that he's gone to heaven and that his body is still here, but his spirit is not. They wanted to know if it hurt, what's he doing now, who's going to feed him and look after him, and I guess all the usual questions. I'm glad I have some answers to give them and doubly glad to be LDS and therefore know that there are animals in Heaven. Hobbes really was a great cat. He was kind, and gentle and loving. A faithful companion if you were ever sad or lonely, and a great secret keeper. He was the truest friend anyone could ever hope for. He was slowing down for the last little while and we knew it would happen eventually, we just didn't want it to end. But he was an outdoor cat, a hunter, battled raccoons and dogs, caught birds on the fly, hunted squirrels, was 3/4 Persian and so realistically his life expectancy was no more than 8 years, and he lived to be 12.5.

So I am going to go and have another cry while Steve is away at choir practice and not here to see me, and tomorrow we'll have a ceremony and find a quiet spot for his earthly body to rest. And after that I'll have lots of memories of how much I loved him and how much a little cream bundle of fur that nobody wanted turned out to be the best cat ever.

Advice on the Church Notice Board

There's a little church on the way to Nanoose, and like many churches they have a sign out front advertising their hours and events. However on one side there's always a quote or saying and some of them are terrific. The one for this week reads:

When you are down to nothing...God is up to something.

And I thought that given the state of affairs in our family at the moment, that it was poignant. There's always something better around the corner, and sometimes we need these life lessons to really effect a true change on our hearts and in our lives.

Some days I just want to stay in bed.

Hi. Nothing exciting to report, just more of the same. Got my dining table together though and it's nice. Now I'm working on getting the kitchen cleaned, paperwork a bit more organized, fighting woth the government who, if you can believe it, still are saying I'm married to Brian and giving me less child tax credit than I'm supposed to get. grrr. So, that's it for today. Maybe something exciting will happen later. In the meantime I'm wishing I could just take a nap and wake up to a clean house and dinner made. I think that's every mothers wish!

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

I get asked this question a lot, and I ask it myself on a regular basis too. Sometimes in the form of "WHY ME??? WHAT'D I DO??" Well, I have my own theories but this afternoon I was glancing through Meridian Magazine online and they have an article about just that. Why not go have a glance. www.ldsmag.com/spiritjourney/080610good.html Let me know what you think.

This afternoon I'm grateful for the sunshine reappearing after a few days of rain.

Death of the Bunny

Surprise! I walked out my front door this morning to help Steve put some things in his car he needed for work, and there was our cat Sadie. Eyes gleaming, sleek black coat shining in the morning light, an 8 week old bunny dangling from her mouth and still very much alive. Well, we managed to get her to drop it and the bunny took off followed in hot pursuit by the cat. Steve didn't think she'd catch it again, until we heard the tell-tale "squeak" from down the slope, followed by silence. I thought "sigh, another one bites the dust" and finished loading the car and pondering the fate of a baby bunny, only to go back to the doorstep and find Sadie there with her prize trying to figure out why the cat flap wouldn't work (I'd previously locked it upon seeing the bunny and knowing Sadie's love of bringing home bunnies and butchering them under the kids bed). So, somewhere out there right now is a baby bunny meeting it's maker. A sad reality of nature. My cats are good hunters. It was just a sad little ending to a stressful few days.

Like the bunny, sometimes you just have to let nature take it's course. There was no way to save the bunny. It was too badly injured the second time to do much but hop slowly for cover. Better to let it be, in my opinion. Like our family. There are so many different things going on it's hard to keep track. We're trying to juggle a divorce, a wedding (ours), the wedding of my parents, the break-up of our son and daughter-in-laws marriage, an ex-husband causing a few problems financially, a nagging ex-wife, our grand children, our own children, starting a new business, bankruptcy, moving, de-junking Ahhhhh! The list goes on!

It's hard for us to also have the responsibility to play both sides of the fence, as it were. While we love and support our son, we also have the moral and ethical obligation to continue to love and support our daughter in law. Now I want to make it absolutely clear, people have been hurt. A great deal. On many different sides of the problem. But we still love and care about all those involved. A marriage break-up never just affects the immediate people involved. Whole families and friends are drawn in unavoidably. And as much as people may feel the need to take sides, I cannot personally do that 100%. I was hurt that so many people took my husbands side because they heard how awful of a wife I was from him and never listened to my side of the story. Now I know I could have done better, but I was not entirely to blame. So because of this I can see a little of both sides of the story with J&N. We as their parents are hurting for them because we've been through it and know what it feels like. But at some point you have to just accept that they can make their own decisions, and no matter how much you disagree with them, or want them to behave differently, they have their free agency and all we can do is continue to love them. They've both been there for us, and we'll be there for them. Whether it's babysitting, or a box of groceries, or a friend to talk to, or just someone who you can spill your guts to and you know they'll never tell.

So really it's all about unconditional love. I challenge you to think about that too. If someone hurts us or disappoints us, do we stop loving them? Avoid them. Never speak to them again? And if we do, was it really love in the first place? We all love our children, even if we don't like what they're doing at the moment. Our Heavenly Father is like that too. He loves us absolutely unconditionally. Maybe that's something we as a society need to work on more. Spend less time and effort worrying about how it affected "US" and work harder at loving "THEM". It's a huge amount of work, and you have to change your thinking. And I'm certainly not suggesting we let people hurt us over and over and over again. But if we can at some point move past the grief and hurt to acceptance and forgiveness, it makes our lives better. We don't carry that burden with us always. Forgiveness frees us from a terrible and festering bondage. Take it from one who knows. It can be a life long process, or not. The point is to get there at some point.

Here are a couple of examples. The Amish managed to forgive and actually reach out and care for local families even in the terrible grief they had when a man shot and killed several young women in a one room school house in the middle of Pennsylvania. Here are some hard working people who had their very lifestyle of peace and tranquility shattered. But they didn't act with hatred or blame. They reached out in shared grief to the family of the the shooter. In my own life, and please understand that I have shared this before and am okay with it now, but do not dwell on it... I was molested as a teenager by the father of a friend. It took me several years to acknowledge it and be able to work on my trust issues. I have my issues still, like I'm always worried that Steve won't think I'm good enough and leave and I'm working on my fear of rejection and trust issues. But as far as blame goes, I'm not angry or bitter. A little sad and regretful sure, but I'm able to move on. And I've found that life can be full of regrets and "what if's" but surrounding ourselves and focusing on the negative just draws more of the same to us. If we can concentrate and accentuate the positive then we feel better and draw more of the same to us. What we feel and portray to others is reflected back to us. ie, how many people do you know who are rude or brusque with Don Caitling? Answer = none. Why? He always has a cheerful word, a friendly handshake, a sincere smile for everyone. And it's hard to be around him and not feel better. Yep, Ned Flanders he is!

Life is complicated and beautiful. We're all here to support each other as we learn through life lessons, some of which are not very nice. That's all we can do. I can appreciate the small things Steve does to show me he loves me, like vacuum the dining room. I can take joy in the simple fact that there are 3 beautiful girls running around the house playing hide and seek, and now siting at the organ making beautiful music and rearranging all of Papa's buttons. There are chocolate chip oatmeal muffins in the oven. I have to see Sis Edwards today, clean the house, babysit Madylin and Jack, prepare Family Home Evening lesson and snacks, and the day is half over. So I'm going to put on my happy face and instead of moaning I'm just going to get back to work.

Today I'm grateful for everyday miracles and I'm grateful for second chances.

A New Voice

Tonight I joined a new choir. They're called "Every Voice" and are based out of Errington. They're a mixed bunch of happy people who all love singing and the ones I met tonight were so fun! The music seems to be a mix of gospel, negro spiritual, classical, African and whatever anyone else wanted to sing. Lots of improv and harmonizing. It was SO great to sing with a group where they can all hold a pitch and find a harmony, very interesting. I didn't start out knowing the songs but seemed to pick them up quickly enough, and it was a nice relaxed atmosphere which helped. We're meeting at Collins for the summer.

Well, gotta run. Hope you are all well. Oh, and feel free to make comments if you like. Preferably nice ones, but I do realize that putting this out on the web makes it open to criticism. Still, please remember that this is just my own musings, ramblings, and ideas (which are subject to change) so don't take it personally. Just because I find something humorous doesn't mean you have to make fun of me or belittle me. Just be glad that you're NOT ME!! 

Remember what Thumper's Momma told him..."If you can't say anything nice, Don't say nothing at all."  Words to live by.

A Date With Bubbles

Aches and pains. I've got more than my share today. I think a date with a hot bath is in order, especially since I have a huge jacuzzi tub in this house we're renting. The kids are all in bed early so all that remains is to put the chickens to bed and do some paperwork for Steve who is stressed out about the meeting tomorrow. 

The trunk of my van is full of chickens ready to sell. The dishwasher is on. Everything else can wait till tomorrow. It's time for bed.

The Great Chicken Round-Up of 2008

So, our chickens have gone to meet their maker. It was so fun to see Steve running around at 7 this morning in his gumboots (with pants tucked in) catching chickens and tossing them in the back of the van. Priceless! He's becoming a farmer! LOL! It was a family effort with the kids helping round up the strays, and the attack rooster was quickly caught and subdued before he could have another go at attacking my feet and legs. I'll be sure to cook him first! Bwa ha ha ha! Who's laughing now?!?!

This afternoon I'm going to bag, tag and weigh them all and hopefully sell a few. That'll be good. We could use the money.

Last night we went to Collins for dinner along with Elder and Sister Ovard, and while the kids and guys watched Ratatouille (did I spell that right?) we girls fitted my wedding dress. So it's decided...need bigger breasts...need chiffon veil (ordered from eBay this morning for $10) ... going to wear crystal drop earrings and a necklace and not pearls. One of those silly cultural superstitions I guess but the English don't wear pearls at a wedding. Not traditionally anyway. And I still may wear white holey soles, I mean they're SO comfortable and nobody is going to see them anyway, right?

Janet has said she'd make some jewelry so I'm excited! Her stuff is so beautiful. and unique.

I had a nice visit with Annie and Autumn today. After we did all our chicken chasing and dropping off, we came home for a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pan fried potatoes. The girls joined in and then stayed to play for a while. When John got here to collect them they were half dressed and playing in the closet, but they were a load of fun to hang out with and I'll miss them. I know Steve misses seeing them so much too and it was good to see him chatting away with Autumn. Annie left today with the monkey suit so she's happy and I sent them off with muffins too so I bet they have a good afternoon.

Gotta run and clean, make more muffins and then finish processing chickens. Wanna buy some?? I don't have Jack and Madylin today as she is at camp and Jack is sick, poor guy.

Chicken anyone?

How hard is it to find a pair of shoes for under $10 in a kids size 11...answer: Impossible.

Meghan lost one of her shoes while swinging on the rope swing last week. She fell off, and one of her shoes went flying down the hill, never to be seen again. Seriously, we've looked! I even offered a reward for the capture and return of afore mentioned shoe, but to no avail. It's tan, just like the foot of leaves covering the woodland floor under the swing, so my guess is that it's been carried off by ants now or maybe a racoon.

So, we've gone to Wal-Mart and 2 thrift stores but couldn't find shoes to fit. Got some slippers and a pair of rubber boots that are too big but will do in a pinch. Have to wait for $ on Friday and go to town it seems.

Got an appointment to butcher chickens tomorrow instead of Friday which puts us in a bind for money, I hate running out of money before payday. But at least we'll have lots of chicken to eat. I think I'll put a sign on the mailbox offering fresh chicken for $4.50 lb and see if I get any takers. That'll really help as I'll have less to find freezer space for.

Gotta run and clean the kitchen, which seems to be a perpetual mess these days. Matches the living room full of boxes. Ok, time for a garage sale! Wonder how much we can make? I bet it's at least $300 if we sell stuff for cheap. We really should think about eBay for some if Steve's collector things. Hmmm. Something to ponder.

later!

I Love Facebook and Banana peeling question

Why? Because I can keep in touch with my friends and family. You see, that's hard to do when you have a busy life. So I appreciate the ease and convenience of Facebook. But I was thinking today as I drove home from church that it really could be used for good and evil. So what do you think?

I can ask you the question now because I'm going to maybe let a couple of people read my blog, which is akin to letting someone read my diary. I guess maybe it will be a little more impersonal but maybe not. I'll just have to try it and see.

WARNING!!! My life is not that interesting!!

This week I get to hang with my granddaughters whom I love dearly, butcher chickens, go out to a friends for dinner, work, clean, babysit, be a full-time mum, and all the other stuff that goes along with being me.

I have a couple of thoughts today, prompted by my having an afternoon nap (not something I usually do) and having a very unpleasant dream. Thanks to my honey for the cuddle after I woke up. That was just what I needed.

1. What things do you do that you'd like to change? Are these things that you're working on, or just thinking would be nice? Gossip less? Be less judgmental? Be kinder? More refined and less coarse? Be a better example to those around you who are struggling? Be more grateful?

And number 2. The question of the day...

Which is the right end of a banana to peel? The stalk end? (like most westeners) Or the blossom end (like most people from banana growing areas and also monkeys) Go ahead and try it and let me know what you think. I peel from the bottom because I hate getting those long strings on my banana and if you peel from the bottom they don't get on your banana, they stay in the peel.

Gotta go. Need to share my MacBook with it's rightful owner.